June 23, 2011

inadvertent cocktail

A friend challenged me, What does Judy want? Like a refresher course, it helped me revisit and be clear about my dreams and desires.

I am clear and focused on 4 priorities all centered on living joyously and as a constructive contributor to others joyful living.

  1. Strengthen my financial health and business stimuli by finding, securing and kicking ass at professional opportunities
  2. Strengthen my physical health to combat the inevitable duress of aging
  3. Strengthen my emotional health by operating peacefully grounded from the center of my life philosophy
  4. LIVE fully:  Choose, create and BE fully present in each moment experiencing the utmost joy, discovery, comfort, creativity and growth

My priorities are meaningful journeys not destinations. They cannot be accomplished; they can be fulfilled to the best of my ability every day.

However my life interacts with people, places, possessions or achievements, these are not answers or solutions. It is in me to determine what I feel and learn on my journey. 

Every interaction contains the potential for joy, discovery, comfort, creativity and growth as well as sadness and pain. Sometimes life is just an inadvertent cocktail.

While there are some don't wants, there are no must haves in life. There are simply dreams, desires and gifts. When its a good day, they come wrapped together.

 

June 22, 2011

shaken and stirred

In this twisted sequence of a couple of years, my usual independence is taxed and my resilient, energetic, lighthearted spirit has been pummeled. It’s in there but I haven’t yet embraced peace. My ego has been laid painfully bare as well.

While I desire to reclaim my vibrant spirit and sustain healthy interdependence, I've been constructively challenged to release my ego and embrace my true center.

This from Beyond the Frontier of the Mind by Osho inspires me. Excerpts below...

"Ego is always shaken, always in search of food, that somebody should appreciate it. That's why you continuously ask for attention. You get the idea of who you are from others. It's not a direct experience. It is from others that you get the idea of who you are. They shape your center. This center is false, because you carry your real center. It is nobody's business. Nobody shapes it. You come with it. You are born with it. 

So you have two centers. One center you come with, which is given by existence itself. That is the self. And the other center, which is created by the society, is the ego. It is a false thing - and it is a very great trick. Through the ego the society is controlling you. You have to behave in a certain way, because only then does the society appreciate you. You have to walk in a certain way; you have to laugh in a certain way; you have to follow certain manners, a morality, a code. Only then will the society appreciate you, and if it doesn't, you ego will be shaken. And when the ego is shaken, you don't know where you are, who you are.

... The difference is just like the difference between a real flower and a plastic or paper flower. The ego is a plastic flower - dead. It just looks like a flower, it is not a flower. You cannot really call it a flower. Even linguistically to call it a flower is wrong, because a flower is something which flowers. And this plastic thing is just a thing, not a flowering. It is dead. There is no life in it.

It is difficult to see one's own ego. It is very easy to see other's egos. But that is not the point, you cannot help them.

Try to see your own ego. Just watch it. Don't be in a hurry to drop it, just watch it. The more you watch, the more capable you will become. Suddenly one day, you simply see that it has dropped. And when it drops by itself, only then does it drop. There is no other way. Prematurely you cannot drop it.

It drops just like a dead leaf. The tree is not doing anything - just a breeze, a situation, and the dead leaf simply drops. The tree is not even aware that the dead leaf has dropped. It makes no noise, it makes no claim - nothing. The dead leaf simply drops and shatters on the ground, just like that.

When you are mature through understanding, awareness, and you have felt totally that ego is the cause of all your misery, simply one day you see the dead leaf dropping.

It settles into the ground, dies of its own accord. You have not done anything so you cannot claim that you have dropped it. You see that it has simply disappeared, and then the real center arises.

And that real center is the soul, the self, the god, the truth, or whatsoever you want to call it. It is nameless, so all names are good. You can give it any name of your own liking..."

I'm going to call my center Judy...